I’m pretty sure that my uterus is trying to exit my body, and I wish my body wasn’t so god damn needy and would just set it free because I’m the only one that’s suffering from this strong dependency. So I decided to voice this pain rationally, and in the form of an open letter:
Body and Uterus,
You guys are in a very unhealthy, and sometimes painful relationship (to me). And I really would appreciate it if you’d stop going all Muhammad Ali on my insides and just work out like sensible, normal working body parts. I AM NOT COLLATERAL DAMAGE, I AM NOT A PAWN IN YOUR LOVE GAMES. I am a hardworking (sometimes batshit insane) individual, and I do not deserve this crap. Plus I have class in the morning, and I’m really not willing to suffer through while doubled over, and I’m also not willing to miss it either. So work out your shit, or I will have you removed myself! Oh and please don’t make me throw up, I REALLY hate throwing up, and I understand this stern reprimanding might lead to that, but I’d appreciate you not being a passive aggressive fourteen year old emo scene girl and just let me watch my Pixar shorts in peace. Thank you.
Sincerely tired of your shenanigans,