I’m pretty sure that my uterus is trying to exit my body, and I wish my body wasn’t so god damn needy and would just set it free because I’m the only one that’s suffering from this strong dependency. So I decided to voice this pain rationally, and in the form of an open letter:
Body and Uterus,
You guys are in a very unhealthy, and sometimes painful relationship (to me). And I really would appreciate it if you’d stop going all Muhammad Ali on my insides and just work out like sensible, normal working body parts. I AM NOT COLLATERAL DAMAGE, I AM NOT A PAWN IN YOUR LOVE GAMES. I am a hardworking (sometimes batshit insane) individual, and I do not deserve this crap. Plus I have class in the morning, and I’m really not willing to suffer through while doubled over, and I’m also not willing to miss it either. So work out your shit, or I will have you removed myself! Oh and please don’t make me throw up, I REALLY hate throwing up, and I understand this stern reprimanding might lead to that, but I’d appreciate you not being a passive aggressive fourteen year old emo scene girl and just let me watch my Pixar shorts in peace. Thank you.
Sincerely tired of your shenanigans,
I’m thinking about ducks, and their ridiculously cute baby offspring, and I’m literally getting to the point of tears just thinking about their cuteness. This is nuts. Why is this happening? Why are ducks so freaking adorable? Why am I thinking about ducks? I don’t understand life anymore. And I definitely shouldn’t have drank that extra cup of coffee, because now this is going to torture me all night.
Why yes, yes I am.
Dear Heyzues Christos, what’s wrong with me?
She says, with a smile and nod as she cheerfully brandishes the gun.
Remember how I thought last quarter was going to be the death of me? Well, I was wrong, so very very wrong. This quarter is out to fucking murder me and make it look like a tragic accident. But I’m ready for it, or at least trying to be ready. I’m already half way through the worst of it, and I know it only gets worse from here, but I’m fucking ready.
Armed with a buttload of caffeine, How I Met Your Mother, Dance Moms, Gossip Girl, New Girl, various other TV fetishes, and a boundless imagination (for which I plan to bullshit my way through this quarter) I will prevail. But not before I bitch, whine, and moan about it at least a million times, it’s my right as an American to do so, and I shall.
Be prepared last four weeks of this quarter, because I’m prepared for you.
Let’s tango, bitch. Better yet, let’s motherfucking merengue!
Oh my God, it just hit me. One of my best friends from childhood is moving to New York tomorrow. I’m really not even sure how to process this. I knew he was moving this month, but I guess I didn’t realize how soon it really was.
Holy fuck, I think my heart just broke a little bit, and I’m definitely going to cry.
Some days are better than others.
And so far today has been better than all of last week combined, so that’s a plus. I just need it to continue like this for the sake of my sanity. I don’t want to be this controlled anymore. I can’t stand it.
So I hunkered down, no “normal” fun for me tonight, with McDonald’s, Cecilia, and David and managed to finish my Art History Study guide before midnight. I understand that it’s well past midnight now, but I’m still proud of myself, and up for no good fucking reason. I really should go to sleep now.
So I think I’ll do that, but not before I say this: I’m sorry for the plans I blew off this weekend. I really wish I would’ve budgeted my time more wisely, and that I didn’t get as epically drunk as I did Friday (although it was needed), so I could’ve kept my word more closely to the people I care about the most. You guys are really awesome, I really suck right now, and I’m really truly sorry.
Good night lovely lovely tumblrers :).
THIS IS HOW MY ART HISTORY MIDTERM IS MAKING ME FEEL.
I could be jamming out with my friends, but because of shitty time management and being kicked out of my apartment for two hours I’m stuck in the tech lab trying to suss this shit out, and I’m going to be up all night doing so. WAHHHH I’m an awful student WAHHHHHH. Yup feel sorry for me bitches, because I know I do. :(
I want everything to be okay. Not feel okay, or seem okay, but actually be okay for once. But I think that might be impossible. I don’t want to go back. I want to go forward, but my conscience won’t cease to remind me of my transgressions, even though they are out in the open now. I should feel better, because at least nothing’s hidden, but I never wanted to break something was on the repair. I just wanted to forget, and move on. However, life didn’t agree with this idea. Because my neurotic mind seems to do everything but forget and move on, especially now.
Everything hurts, and I’m not even not the one directly stung. I need to stop dwelling, stop reliving the guilt for no reason, especially because it’s not weighing on my conscience anymore. But everything still hurts, and my attention span dwindles further. I guess the only conclusion to be had from this is: Nothing is okay, and everything sucks (and it’s probably going to continue like that for a little while longer, even though I’ll pretend like it doesn’t). But eventually everything will get better. Everything will be okay, even if it doesn’t feel it.
I don’t believe there is a word in the English language that could accurately describe how exhausted I am. Working on delirium and a prayer, wondering why I enjoy running myself completely ragged.